Waiting

So, I've had Isaiah 55:9-12 on my heart a lot recently. God's been working on my patent inability to be patient, and wait on His timing. I hate waiting. I think I know when things are supposed to happen, and it's not supposed to take this long. Let's see, we're waiting to pay bills, waiting to hear about a job, waiting for the checks to pay the hospital bills, waiting on Beth's medical insurance, waiting, waiting, waiting.... It's driving me crazy! I mean, this is all important stuff, right? John deserves that job, right? Beth needs her health insurance, right? I mean, c'mon...we pay our insurance so that when we need it, we get those checks, and we deserve 'em, right??? No. Nope. Nada. Just when I start breathing smoke, and thinking about doing something crazy, that sneaky little verse pops into my head. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts....nor are My ways, your ways, says the Lord." Oops. So, uh, does that mean that I'm wrong? Yup. Verse 11 "So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Ouch. I mean, that's a good verse, don't get me wrong. I love knowing that nothing God does can get screwed up, or delayed. But it also can't be hurried. It does just what He wants it to, WHEN He wants it to. I'm having sudden Gandalf flash backs..."A wizard is never late, he always arrives precisely when he means to." Insert "God" and that's about right. God's timing is always perfect, and I have no right to complain or worry. I just need to sit back, and enjoy today and what's He's given me TODAY to enjoy. Let's face it. How many time do we miss stuff waiting for what we think we need? I don't want to be the person living for ____________. I want to live for now. I want my kids to remember their childhood fondly. I want to have what verse 12 promises. "For you shall go out with joy...." Awesome. I could use some more joy. But first, I gotta get verses 9-11 through my thick skull.

Rainy days and bad attitudes

I've got a heart problem. No, nothing physical. It's that intangible part that we attribute all our emotions to that's got a problem. I'm cranky and dissatisfied with my life, and that's a heart problem. I've got two beautiful babies that love me unconditionally (except when I tell Beth she can't carry her toothbrush with her all day), a wonderful husband who goes to work everyday to a job he's not that fond of to provide for us, cupboards full of good food I can cook, and a lovely apartment. I spend most of my time wishing for some "me time", a better paying job for DH, take-out or fastfood so I don't have to cook, and a bigger apartment or house. Now, there's nothing wrong with sometimes wishing things weren't quite so tight. But there's a whole lot wrong with the amount of time I spend wishing for things to be different. Today, I need to sit back and smell the roses, so to speak. My life is good just the way it is. Americanism says that I'm impoverished, and I need a nicer house, more clothes, a designer kitchen (ok, so that one wouldn't be so bad....), newer cars, and a full-time nanny to help with the kids so I don't have to spend any time with them. Right here, right now, I reject that thinking. I am blessed. I have a husband that busts his butt so I can stay home with the kids. I am lucky. I am blessed. I need God to fix my heart problem.

Honey Cinnamon Tea

Have you ever woken up, and just known that today, you won't be a good Mom? Whether it was a bad night with no sleep, or stress, or sickness, you just knew...today was not going to be good. That is my morning. I woke up with the sore throat from Sandpaper land, and no voice, except for this croaking sound that made me consider trying out for the Frog Choir. My DH promptly decided that he wasn't going to work on the car, and was going to stay home this morning, and watch the kids so I could get some extra sleep. While the extra sleep helped, my throat still hurt. And I still couldn't talk. I didn't want to deal my kids. How can I be a good Mommy without my voice? How can I correct them, and let them know how much I love them without a voice? I asked DH to call his mother, and ask her to keep them while he was at work. Yeah, that desperate. Lo and behold, today was the only day of the week that she had plans already, and couldn't watch them. As my spirit sank, and I considered melting onto the bed in tears, I felt a small presence enter my heart, and I suddenly felt like I could do this. My physical symptoms were the same, but all of a sudden, I knew that despite everything, I can get through today. So, I put on a nightgown, which I'll probably wear all day, asked DH to make me a cup of honey cinnamon tea to soothe my throat, and got down to the business of living my day. The honey cinnamon tea was delicious, by the way. Didn't hurt my throat at all to drink it. Mix one tablespoon of honey, a half teaspoon of cinnamon power, and one cup of hot water. stir and enjoy. DH isn't even sick, and he pronounced it yummy... Recommendation: keep the spoon near-by to facilitate constant stirring...otherwise the honey and cinnamon will sink, and then the last few sips will be super-strong, and you'll choke, and hate me. Today, I think I'll focus on loving mercy. His mercy that gives me the strength to get through this day, when I just knew it wouldn't be a good one.

Bills, faith, and Chiropractors

Over the past month, my faith has been tested in new and terrifying ways. It started with my husband's car accident. His car was totaled, and he walked away. The EMTs didn't do their job, and over the next month, his back pain got worse and worse. Because of the constant pain, he became terrible to live with, and I felt alone. Like, awful alone. Like, who is this man that sleeps in the bed with me, alone. I loved him, and I felt awful for him, but I felt drained and empty and alone. Stupid me, I didn't turn to God for the comfort I needed, and only He could give me. I got angry, and blamed my honey, and got obstinate. I became awful to live with. I was empty, and wasn't filling up on God. I lost faith. Thankfully, I had wonderful Godly friends who redirected my thinking, without even realizing they were doing it. That was so important, because more was coming. We now have over $1.7k of E.R. bills and x-ray bills and C.T. scan bills to pay. I'm not fretting though. We have insurance, and I know that God will provide. All of DH's (dear husband) pain proved to be caused by his spine being out of alignment, and after only 2 adjustments, he was able to stop taking the pain pills. He's happier, and more energized, and better able to help. I'm starting to have more faith in God and His care, and less stress. As I just told a friend, if it's in God's will, there's nothing I can do to screw it up. On the flip side, if it's NOT in God's will, there's nothing I can do to make it happen. Isaiah 55:9

I am me.

So, who is Micah, and why am I living like him, and why do I get lazy mornings, when everyone knows that Moms are supposed to be up at 5 am, cooking 3 course breakfasts? Well, first of all, Micah refers to Micah 6:6-8 in which we learn what God thinks is good. Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly before God. Yeah, still working on those. I'm a lazy morning Momma because I am not a morning person. I'm not considered alive before 9 am. Do a CT scan, there's no brain activity. So, I have this awesome husband who usually wakes up early with the kids, so I get some extra sleep. I know, I'm lucky. Not sure what kind of theme this is going to have yet. I mean, all blogs are supposed to have themes right? I'm a quirky parent, with old-fashioned values (I make my 22 months daughter say please and thank you before giving her sippy cups or food), a wicked sense of humor, and a faith in God that gets me up every morning. I still believe in spanking, I don't cuddle my kids every time they fall down (or they won't learn to pick themselves up), and I'm human. I make mistakes (i.e. my wedding was April 2011, and my daughter was born Oct 2011...you do the math). I'm not the best house wife (my living room is currently a nightmare that I'm avoiding, and there are dishes in the sink that need doing), and I hate doing laundry. Like, I'm that person that runs the dryer 3x cause I don't want to have to fold it. But, my husband loves me, and my kids think I'm superman. For now, I'm ok with that. Don't need anything else...except maybe a live-in maid...